Archive for galley

Dear Flight Attendant

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on 28 November, 2009 by Thomas

Dear Hardworking Flight Attendant, I know we have instructions on how to cater the planes, but I’m not sure those instructions have been thought through to the end.  Instead of ordering the amount of catering we’re told to, I’m going to order more.  More cans of tonic water, seltzer, apple juice, and coke zero. I won’t order as much cranberry juice, water, or ice, though; you should do fine with one of each.  Also, I

Why so many serviettes and cups?

think those two white bags that we use to collect trash inflight should be enough to get you to Little Rock and back, so I won’t order any more of those, but you can never have enough trash can liners, so I’ll make sure you have enough to last through the Apocalypse…napkins, too. You can never have enough napkins so make sure the caterer brings you all eight packs of napkins.  There’s only 50 in a pack; how do they expect us to perform a beverage service with so few?  I mean, really.  Look, I know the galley diagram says we only need to have 20 beers on board, but that’s just wrong. We must have at least 22; what if we sell out during the flight?

Why? Why would you do this to me?

Oh, and I know I’m deadheading on your flight and it’s a courtesy I would expect you to extend to me, but I can’t help you cross seatbelts after the flight.  I’m kind of in a hurry to get in to the terminal and see if there’s someone I barely know who I might want to talk to.  Besides, you have another flight attendant to help you do that.  We don’t want too many cooks in the kitchen do we?  With love and respect,

A Lazy Flight Attendant

Dear Lazy Flight Attendant, I have received the plane that you so kindly catered for me.  I just have one suggestion, though.  Next time, just order what you’re supposed to.  We don’t have room on the plane for all the extra crap you request.  This job’s not hard, and I know you know how to count because you have to tally up the number of passengers you “serve” before the plane leaves the gate.  The Apocalypse is not close at hand; we don’t need 400 napkins or 18 trash bags for two flights lasting a combined three hours.  Don’t make my job harder because you’re a lazy wretch and don’t want to think.

Also, it’s quite all right that you didn’t help cross seatbelts.  Yes, it’s something you should do to help out a fellow flight attendant, but those 30 seconds you would have lost can go to much better use like smoking illegally on the ramp or waiting on your rollaboard in the jetbridge.  You do your job correctly, and I’ll do my job correctly.  Don’t make me do both; they don’t pay me enough.  With disdain and acrimony,

A Hardworking Flight Attendant.

Where to Begin

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 16 November, 2009 by Thomas

Hello there, how ya doin’?  I’ve got all these thoughts just floatin’ through my brain.  They bump, and they collide and cause a flurry of confusion, and it’s gettin’ on my nerves.

–Motion City Soundtrack – “Where I Belong”

I don’t even know where to start with all this.  I guess I’ll just start here…

Last night I got a call from a union rep about my blog.  It was only a CYA call because she didn’t want to have to represent me in a meeting with management should I find myself in hot water due to my semi-coherent babblings.  She recommended that I keep my blog 100% anonymous, and after we hung up I did just that because I got just bit worried that I could get a good friend in trouble because of an earlier post should someone with the power to fire me read it.

Part VIII of our Information & Technology Policy states:

Prohibition on Presenting Yourself as an Employee of the Company on the Internet – Company employees are prohibited from identifying themselves as Company employees when posting comments on the Internet or on other on-line services.  This rule applies even if a statement is included that clearly states that the user is expressing his or her own ideas and not necessarily those of the Company. This rule also applies where such posting is done from the user’s personal equipment. Internet traffic sent via Company resources is identifiable as being from an employee with the Company.  Therefore, participation in Internet newsgroups and the like via Company facilities is prohibited.

So after rereading that section and deleting the potentially problematic post (I do like my alliteration) I decided that I was comfortable having identifying markers on my blog.  Maybe that’s a bad idea, but I was in a funk all day because of the changes I made.  Now I’m in a better mood with my name and what not back up.  Let me know if you think that’s a dreadful idea.

This is Chávez, not the passenger.

Tonight I had a passenger on the way to HSV who looked like Hugo Chavez, only 20 years younger.  I’m talking spittin’ image of the despot.  I wish I could have gotten a picture of the guy, but how do you ask someone, “Can I take your picture?  You look exactly like a douchey dictator.”  He seemed like a quiet and reserved guy, but for all I know he was Chavez’s nephew going to HSV to investigate our great and powerful space program, and if I had asked he would have had to straight regulate on me.  That’s no way to end a pleasant evening, being regulated on.Gross Drain

This is how I found my galley drain tonight.  I think the FO did it when he was being an asshat.  I could be wrong, though.  Yeah, that’s fat and grease and grossness that dried that I had to clean up.  The only reason I think it was the FO is because I saw him drain his Marie Callender’s steamy something or other in the drain right after he asked me if it was functional.  It was and remained so despite his best efforts.

Finally, after seeing 101 Goals in 1001 Days, I’ve decided to start my own little list of goals.  I’ve only got about 20 so far – it’s much harder than you might think to come up with 101 goals you want to accomplish – but when I get them all I’ll add a new page on here so you can keep up with them if you want.  As you can probably imagine they will be as epic as I am so 1001 days might not be nearly enough time.  In the meantime I’ll also be thinking of some snazzy new title for it to keep the symmetry in tact.