Slam! Click!

Most jobs have their own vocabulary that those on the outside won’t really understand even though the individual words by themselves are oftentimes easy to define.  The airline industry is no different.  Take “slam-click” as an example.  Everyone knows what slam and click mean by themselves, but put together they take on a completely different meaning.  To slam-click is to go into your hotel room and never come out until it’s time to take the van back to the airport; it gets its name from the sound of the door slamming shut and the clicking of the security latch over the door.

If you’ve got a short overnight then you have to slam-click and no one thinks a thing about it.  A lot variables must be taken into account when trying to decide whether to slam-click.  For example: Did I recently get paid?  Is the crew cool?  Might we get into shenanigans by going out?  Do I have to wake up early?  If you’re on reserve and working with a fun crew then slam-clicking is a bad idea.  The next time you fly it might be with a really boring crew who force you to slam-click by slam-clicking themselves, so you must take advantage of your good crews while you can.  Even if you’re short on money you should try your best to go out and have fun.

On a recent trip to BHM I had the pleasure of working with a fun crew (well, 75% fun anyway, including myself).  I was running short on money and not feeling like taking my aforementioned advice on fun crews so I asked the first officer if he and the captain were going to make me feel bad for slam-clicking.  He said no, but then a few minutes later the captain mentioned going out to this certain restaurant, that I had actually been craving lately.  He mentioned barbecue and beer and that was that; I had to go out.  You see, this place, only a few blocks from the hotel, serves up some savory BBQ and tasty brews, and I wasn’t going to miss out on this opportunity to have some fun.  We asked the other flight attendant if she wanted to join us, but she preferred to stay in and watch some DVDs like a square.  So . . . Guys’ night out!  Now we can do man doings and say man sayings without fear of reprisal.

After being manly and saying horrible things about (probably) wonderful people we arrived back to the hotel and remembered it was “haunted” and that our other crew member was afraid of ghosts.  We enlisted the help of the nice front desk lady to play a little prank on the slam-clicking flight attendant.  After making a key for me to gain entry to her sleeping quarters we had her call up to the room to tell the slam-clicker that she had forgotten to sign a new no-smoking policy.  When she finally went downstairs to sign it, I slipped in her room, moved some furniture around, and left a hand-written note (written with my left hand) on her bed.  The note called her by her full name (which she hates) and thanked her for staying at the hotel again.  Oh, and we also changed her 6am wakeup call to a 4am wakeup.  Unfortunately, after getting back to her room she did not coming running and screaming down the hall.  I guess she was smarter than we gave her credit for.  Though it didn’t have the effect we desired, we still had a fun time plotting it.

And that is why you don’t slam-click if you can avoid it.

2 Responses to “Slam! Click!”

  1. Remind me NEVER to slam click on you. Ever.

  2. Cruel and awesome at the same time. I might have to slam click your face for doing that to me though!!

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